Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
