I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
