Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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