You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
