dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
