It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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