Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
