yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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