u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
