Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
