I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
