I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
