So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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