Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
