She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
