so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
