I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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