We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize