if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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