shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
