Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
