i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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