I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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