The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
