I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
that is very illegal...i love you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
