Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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