How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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