All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
