my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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