We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
