I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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