I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
