She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
