you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
