how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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