i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
