Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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