u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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