I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
