you win again, gameday.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
