But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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