You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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