I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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