bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
