shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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