Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
