in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
