you have to choose: penises or morals?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this is an emotional support booty call
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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