genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
