I have demons in me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
