Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
