Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
