Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
