I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
babies were throwing up all over the place
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the raccoons are back...
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