so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
