6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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