just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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