apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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