Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
there is glitter all over my balls
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
