he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
