I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
