woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
