until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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