i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
