Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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