If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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