My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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