We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
