where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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