Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
