So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
